The Modern Mourner: I Miss Her.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I Miss Her.

This blog is dedicated to my mother Sue.

Posted by Sister Shirley at 2:09 PM

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About Me

: Bay Area, California, United States

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WELCOME

This blog is about finding new ways to mourn, as well as cherishing our memories and heritage.

There's no need to be morbid. There's no need to surrender to bland and expensive design. And there's no need to stow away the sentimental items we inherit.

I believe in meaningful repurposing. Making quilts out of old clothing, new jewelry out of inherited trinkets, teddy bears out of mink coats. There are so many creative options to keep sentimental items in our lives, giving them new purpose in the process.

And this extends beyond inherited items - we can repurpose today's items for new use. Men's business shirts can be transformed into dresses for little girls. Old t-shirts can be sewn into children's quilts. So many possibilities! I call this "Modern Heritage". Please check out the links for ideas.

Mourning is a lifelong process. From saying goodbye in life to the services and ceremonies that later honor that life, it is important to find rituals that feel contemporary. We are so creative in life, why do we throw it all away when it comes to death? Why settle for stoic services, plastic flowers and generic sympathy cards?

I'm on a quest to find new ways to honor the lives of those we love. I'll investigate past rituals for contemporary reinterpretations, cross-cultural traditions that can be applied anywhere, and those on the cutting edge, doing DIY funerals. Can IKEA coffins really be that far behind?

The Modern Mourner is about joy, humor and happiness. After all, death is just part of life!

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GIFTS

"Forever Remembered" inspiration book
Fortune cookies
Journals
Keepsake shelves
Knit corsage frames
Poetry rings
Pottery in the Round Felted Flowers and Vases
Prayer and Remembrance Beads
Sympathy blankets
Sympathy tea cup candles

Urn Covers by Pondhopper

URN & CASKET ALTERNATIVES

Arkwood Caskets
Blue Light Coffins
Book Urn
Concept Urns
Funeria
Hearts of Glass
Life Gem Memorial Diamonds
Life Gem: From Ashes to Diamonds
Nadine Jarvis
Natural Burial Company
Portland Natural Caskets
Scattering Ashes
Wicker Willow Caskets

Modern Relics Jewelry by Alix Bluh

MEMORY JEWELRY

Allison Nowlin Ward Relics
Anne Kiel Jewelry
Delias Thompson Jewelry
Heartsong Memory Beads
Kuss Bird Jewelry
Le Papier Studio Silhouette Lockets
Nostalgems
Secret Lockets
Things Gone By
Voleur de Bijoux Jewelry

MEMORY QUILTS

Alexandra Ferguson Pillows
allthenumbers Etsy shop
Dragonfly Stitches custom quilts
Quilt Tees Etsy shop
Silver Forge Farm Etsy shop
The Quilt Index: historical mourning quilts

MEMORY CLOTHING & KNITS

Jennifer Perry hair embroidery
Knit brooches & corsages
Laptop covers
Memory Needlepoint
Memory quilts
Memory rugs
Memory Silhouette Pillows
Mourning headbands
Repurposed clothing

ECO BURIAL

Be A Tree
Crossings
Eco Friendly Willow Coffins
Eco Pod
Eternal Reefs
Forever Fernwood
Grave Matters: Natural Ways of Burial
Green Burial Council
Green Springs Natural Burial (NY)
Greetings That Grow Favors
Keetsa Eco Burial at Sea
Kent Fair Trade Caskets
Memorial Ecosystems (SC)
Natural Burial Company
The Natural Death Centre
White Eagle Memorial Preserve (WA)

FLOWERS

Organic Bouquet
Pottery in the Round Felted Flowers
Rosenow Floral Design

RITUALS & CULTURE

Art of Mourning: Sentimental History
History of Mourning Photography
Legacy Matters
Mourning Quilt History
National Museum of Funeral History
Seven Ponds
The Daily Undertaker
Things Gone By: Victorian Mourning Jewelry
Victorian Hairworks
Victorian Mourning Clothing
Victorian Mourning Rituals

PLANNING & OTHER SERVICES

Death Midwives
DIY: Build Your Own Coffin
Dying Matters
Final Passages
Letter From Beyond
Life Appreciation Funerals
Mourning Dove Studio
My Last Song
mylastemail.com
Personalized Funeral Plans
postexpression.com
Seven Ponds
Thresholds Home and Family Directed Funerals
youdeparted.com: planning ahead

SYMPATHY CARDS

Compendium
Elum Designs
Greetings That Grow
Oblation Press
Peculiar Pair Press
Pink Bathtub Designs
Pinkerton Design
Sympathy Sample Letters

DIY

Mourning Dove Studio: DIY Memorial Art
DIY Life: Build Your Own Coffin
Kent: Assemble Your Own Caskets

COPING

Alive & Mortal
Grieving Center
helpguide.com
Mourning Dove Studio
Psych Central
The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families
webmd.com

Mourning an Infant or Miscarriage

Baby and Pregnancy Loss Sympathy Cards
In Memory: Memorial Necklace
Infant Loss Memorial Mother's Bracelet
Naming the Child Bereavement Package
Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep
Stones of Healing
Sympathy Cards for Miscarriage: A Parent's Prayer

NEWS & ARTICLES

Slate Magazine: "The Green Hereafter"
Slate Magazine: "The Long Goodbye"
Readymade Magazine: "From Crib to Crypt"
New York Times: Choosing Your Own Exit
LA Times: "Crying & Digging"

BOOKS

Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love by Lisa Carlson
Forever Remembered: Compendium Books
Forget Me Not: Photography & Remembrance, by Geoffry Batchen
Grave Expectations: Planning the End Like There's No Tomorrow by Sue Bailey and Carmen Flowers
Grave Matters: A Journey Through the Modern Funeral Industry to a Natural Way of Burial
Grave Matters: A Journey Through the Modern Funeral Industry to a Natural Way of Burial by Mark Harris
Jane Brody's Guide to the Great Beyond: A Practical Primer to Help You and Your Loved Ones Prepare Medically, Legally and Emotionally for the End of Life
Love and Loss: American Portrait and Mourning Minatures, by Robin Jaffe Frank
Mourning Art & Jewelry, by Maureen DeLorme
My Last Wishes...: A Journal of Life, Love, Laughs & a Few Final Notes by Joy Meredith
The End-of-Life Handbook: A Compassionate Guide to Connecting With and Caring for A Dying Loved One by David B. Feldman, Stephen Andrew Lasher Jr., and Ira Byock
The Hour of Our Death: Phlippe Aries
This Republic of Suffering: Death and the American Civil War by Drew Gilpin Faust

MISCELLANEOUS

Language of Candles
Language of Flowers
Popular Music at Services
The Afterlife Project: Power from Beyond the Grave?

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On a Personal Note

I have gone through loss, and found myself with bags full of clothing, jewelry, books, things I just couldn't bear to part with because of the memories. Not knowing what to do with it all, these items ended up in storage, separated from my daily life. For me, this became a metaphor about how we treat the memories of our loved ones. We store them away, not knowing what to do with our grief. We keep it to ourselves, we hide it away.

It was time to do something about it. I have kept my mother's ashes in a bookcase because she loved to read. But they are still in the plastic box from the funeral home. I looked for urns but only found ugly, tacky and expensive vases. So antiquated, nothing that felt like "her." So I'm having an urn cozy knit for the box, something warm and tactile and friendly - just how I remember her.

We need more options, but when we're grieving the last thing we feel is creative. So I'm on a quest to update the way we grieve. From gifts at services to greeting cards, the funeral homes, hallmark cards and florists all need a major makeover.

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