swim with me my sister, when I die

How many songs can you think of that explore the mystery of death with beauty and grace? I can think of only one artist, the insanely talented Antony Hegarty.

Antony and the Johnsons' new album, Swanlights, is my new favorite. The lyrics are so sweet and earnest. Neither heaven nor hell, just a hopeful song that kindred spirits will find one another in the next world, and that looking upon one another's faces is all we'll need.

What about you? Have you thought of what song you'd like for your own service?

bound by love

Memorial services are about expressing love.

Like a wedding, we gather to declare our love, respect and honor. But instead of witnessing the love of two who are wed, we witness the encompassing love of friends, family, and all those whose lives were touched by the one gone before. Instead of till death do us part, we find out our love means death cannot make us part.

And we realize that our love is like a giant puzzle - all the little pieces come together to create an amazing portrait. I've been thinking about how best to capture this multi-faceted love. A book like this one by Quotes and Notes is a good way to gather collective memories. Divided into separate note cards, everyone can write a thoughtful note or memory. The fact that they are not bound like a book makes them more fluid - they can be spread out, flipped through, organized in any fashion that's meaningful.

I also love the simplicity and lack of frills with this design. Lovely.

Dandelion Wishes

This is a sweet alternative to the typical somber guest book found at many services. Dandelion Wishes, created by The Wedding Perch, each dandelion is an opportunity for guests to write something - a wish, a prayer, a memory.

I especially like the image of a dandelion - something scattered to the wind, yet lives on with the promise of a wish. Seems appropriate when we've lost someone.

On another note, many of the items I feature are originally created for weddings. Although this may appear contradictory, I believe a remembrance service should be parallel to a wedding - an opportunity to gather together and honor the love we hold for one another. It's a promise to cherish someone forever, a bonding that transcends death. I wish that funeral services were half as creative as weddings!

Sympathy CDs

Words are rarely enough to truly express sympathy, yet music has a way of going straight to the heart. One of the best ways to remember someone is through the music they loved. A CD complication with favorite songs makes a wonderful gift to pass on others at the service.

Megasmiles makes lovely customized CD holders, available in a variety of designs. These examples are for weddings, but the same concept can be easily applied to a memorial service. Wrapped in a ribbon, monogrammed with a playlist inside, these CD holders provide a precious packaging for precious memories.

Embroidered Lace Butterfly

In many cultures, butterflies are seen as embodiments of the soul. The butterfly's metamorphosis from an earthbound caterpillar to a winged creature symbolizes rebirth in its most joyful form.

This handmade embroidered lace butterfly pin or clip, from Sussies and Such at Etsy, could be a soothing "I'm thinking of you" gift for someone going through loss. It could also be used to embellish a flower arrangement, or worn on a lapel. A sweet spin on an otherwise somber event.

Plantable Sympathy Cards

Here's a lovely idea that's both eco-friendly and poetic - sympathy cards made from plantable paper. Created by Greetings That Grow on Etsy, these cards (and envelopes) are embedded with a variety of organic flowering seeds, sure to bring a bevy of hummingbirds and butterflies to your garden.


This is a terrific concept for so many reasons. When we lose someone we love, we receive many sympathy cards. But do we really want to save them? By planting these cards, the sentiments are made manifest by the return of lovely flowers. Although we may have lost someone, we are reminded how life goes on, and how beautiful it can be.

Greetings That Grow also offers plantable tags/favors that could be given out at a service. Appropriately enough, the seeds contained in the favors are Forget Me Nots.


Please contact Greetings That Grow for custom orders.

Secret Message

What final message would you say to your family and friends? A brief note for them to read after you're gone to bring them love and cheer. It's a daunting thought, I'd probably want to compose a novel. But sometimes there's beauty in limitations ... so how about a fortune cookie?


These beautiful porcelain fortune cookies are made by Yogagoat at Etsy. They're available in a set of 12 for a reasonable price. The "fortune" would have to be inserted at home (they can't be fired with paper inside.) This could be done by someone with limited time, or if it's too late, find a favorite poem from your loved one, and take a line from it, and insert it. They could be handed out at the service. A lovely idea!